omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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