So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
