I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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