I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
