yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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