btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
