you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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