DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
