Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize