You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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