Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
