Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
