I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
