i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize