The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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