the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
