I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
