All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize