I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My ATM looks so different sober.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
