booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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