I'm passing your future prison.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
