Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
