I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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