Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
