Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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