i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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