Christians are straight up FREAKS
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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