i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
