Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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