dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
