Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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