i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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