Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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