Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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