I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
