allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
