He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
