I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
