and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
