You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
