i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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