our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
