Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
