im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
