ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
