He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
