Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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