Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
