they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize