I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
