Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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