You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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