you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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