i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
