They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drake has all the answers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
