Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Two words: blizzard sex
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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