After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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