Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
