Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
