Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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