if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
