I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My pussy is not your playground.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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