I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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