Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
