i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
