today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
