do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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