you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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