i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the condom got lost in my hair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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