shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
