you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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