We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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