Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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