pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
