I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my liver is dry heaving
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
