i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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