Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
