Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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