I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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