I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
