I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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