you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
