Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
