Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
