Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
