i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
