i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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