he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
