I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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