i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
