i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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