We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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