This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
