if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was like getting head from an anaconda
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
