i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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