the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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