shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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