my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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