That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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