ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
