if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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