worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
